Help Wanted


flickr photo shared by Alachua County under a Creative Commons ( BY ) license

Come join us!

We are a very well-established, well-known, rapidly growing global organization constantly recruiting new associates locally, nationally and internationally.

We’re looking for people from all walks of life. Must be highly motivated, honest, faithful and dependable. Young or old, age is not a limitation. Openings are available from laborers to executives. We need to fill a vast number of positions as quickly as possible with qualified people. No experience necessary. No uniform required. All are welcome to apply. Veterans also qualify, even if disabled.

We provide a thrilling adventure full of daring escapades and close encounters, side-by-side with periods of quiet repose and intense self-examination.

Position involves interaction with a wide variety of people, alternating with various periods of solitude, as needed. We have contacts! No selling involved, no products to push.

Indoor and outdoor work. Some involves a lot of walking, some a lot of sitting, some both. Air travel required in certain positions. Other forms of transportation are also employed. We deal one-on-one with individuals, and we also deal with groups, large and small. Some of our associates work at home.

Fluency in a foreign language is a plus but not required. Literacy is also a plus, but we have positions for the illiterate also. We hire and promote from the ground up within our own ranks.

We do not hire self-starters. We are looking for people willing to take orders from our chief executive without question, who will give complete and total obedience to him. We are not seeking hourly or salaried employees, but voluntary, totally dedicated, willing servants.


flickr photo shared by neetalparekh under a Creative Commons ( BY ) license

We do not pay competitive wages, but we may supply food, housing, etc., when needed. We pay at the completion of the project that the organization is working on. Many rewards and bonuses will be handed out at that time, along with promotions. Some of you will take charge of entire cities, depending on your experience with our organization and at the discretion of our leader.

We have an unsurpassed total health-care plan at no cost to you. If you are trying to overcome addiction, we have a program for you that works!

We have a non-compete clause in our contract. You may not work for any other group while associated with our organization.

Everybody loves the ‘Boss.’ You’ll love him too, and you’ll love it here with us! We’re all ‘family’ here. You’ll fit right in.

Your resume is worthless to us. We only want you, not your past. We offer a bright future that is out of this world—the sky is not even the limit!

Our growth rate is currently exponential and promises to exceed all earlier figures and forecasts in the very near future. You will not find a better offer anywhere else. We deliver what we promise! Come join our vast organization of rapidly growing inter-related groups and individuals. You won’t regret it! There is no other organization that can offer you what we offer—we guarantee it!

Now, a closing word to you from our leader:

 “The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest” (Luke 10:2).

—–

“Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest” (John 4:35).

Come join us as a laborer in gathering the harvest of souls for the end of this age.


–Alana Pangburn

[Author’s note: This article is not written with any intention of being disrespectful to the Lord Jesus nor His bride, the Church. It is written in this manner only to provoke thought from a different point of view, and to encourage the reader to seriously consider the time in which we live and the urgency of the hour. Please receive it in that context.]

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